What Grieves My Heart


Habakkuk 2:1

I will stand upon my watch, and set me upon the tower, and will watch to see what he will say unto me, and what I shall answer when I am reproved.

Deuteronomy 20:4

For the Lord your God is he that goeth with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.

Psalm 46:10

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

Psalm 34:6,7

This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them.

I was saved when I was 6 years old and I am now 60 years old. I didn’t live like a Christian from when I was 13-1/2 years old up until I was about 30 years old but I was still a Christian…I knew I was kidding myself not becoming more Godlike. I lived a rough life. I did things that weren’t quite copastetic but I was still a Christian…I believed in God.

Alcohol entered into my life and cutting a very long story short, my “Uncle Bill” (God) showed me the errors of my ways. I know, I am cutting out the sordid details of my life but, oh well.

I was a Spook but I was a self-employed Spook. I didn’t work for any government agencies and I received no pay from any government check like most Spooks do and did. Why? Because I am not a people person…I like working on my own. I suppose this “ruined” my personal life and marriage and this does grieve me so.

Every where I worked had a “government office” and that is where I “worked”. All of the places I worked was in Aviation and all the Aviation facilities had a government office. Yes, I did work on aircraft when I wasn’t busy chasing down Jihadis in the USA…or elsewhere. I went on “road trips”. I worked late and I made a lot of money doing this.

Quite a few people I met tried to fire me many times but that was impossible seeing that I didn’t work for any DOMs and I had no supervisors. Yes, I was cantankerous to some but they deserved it because they were dumber than crates of floss and I told them that. They whined and never got anywhere.

I had a special gift…I never forgot a face and I could read body language which frightened many I “worked with”. I could look at a picture of someone and watch movies/videos of these people and I could tell what they were up to, who they liked and who they hated by simple look-sees into their souls. My body language skills more or less scared my family members and I was always told, “STOP DOING THAT”, or something along those lines.

I raised three sons, one of which went to Iraq. One of them got real depressed. The other one is more or less holding his own. The Mother of the three sons went all Laodicean on me and I told her this many times and she either pretended I said nothing or she just ignored things I told her. So, after nearly 32 years of marriage, we are now divorced. Why am I writing this down for all to read? Because perhaps one of you is going through this and more than likely, there is no cure for it. Maybe there is but you have to know about the 7 churches that Revelation so explicitly explains.

The churches are (not denominations because no denomination, in my book, are actually churches): Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamos, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia and Laodicea. The churches are in Revelation 2:1-7, 2:8-11, 2:12-17, 2:18-29, 3:1-6, 3:7-13, 3:14-21. At the end of each segment of the described churches is the following verse:

“He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches…”

You need to know what “he that hath an ear” means and the only way you will understand that is when you are of a contrite heart and the Lord our God is talking to you through prayer. That sounds oh so simple but it isn’t. We live in a world of sin because we were all born in sin and because of that sin in our lives, it permeates into all aspects of our lives. As a Christian, if you do not pay attention to the sin(s) in your (my) life, all hell will break loose.

Well, hell did break loose in my family. I didn’t go to the church we were all members of because I knew the church of Laodicea was present and Satan was walking all over that place. The church got big and they bought some land and built a bigger church. Then, the “pastor” decided that he needed to become a doctor. Just about everyone was very pleased…except me. I knew what was coming and I knew that my family “just loved him so”.

All of my sons went to church and all my sons were saved and baptised in that church. I watched it happen. I wanted to home school our sons and my sons even asked if they could be home schooled. But, my “ex-wife” (now) said it would be too hard so she sent them off to the atrocious putrid school systems where they learned how to be pathetically indoctrinated…I tried to stem the tide but was told by my wife and the “pastor” to stop “lecturing” HER children. HERS?

One day, the pastor made the announcement that he was now a “doctor” and he was so smart now. He started using the “wrong bible” and his sermons became relatively ignorant. No longer was Jesus being preached. No longer did we hear about Heaven and hell. We were being indoctrinated into the wiles of Satan and I knew it. I told my wife that and she was very angry with me. I said we needed to change churches and her being a working-at-church-school person said she couldn’t or wouldn’t do that.

I told several deacons and the pastor and I was laughed at and “scolded”…stop lecturing the pastor I was told. I stopped going. I found out through the grapevine, my sons, that they were upset because one of their teachers told them that they were going to hell because they were practicing martial arts and that was evil. I prayed. I went to go see him and he got very belligerent with me. I told the pastor and he looked at me as if to say, so what? I talked to deacons and I got the same answers.

One son soon decided that he was an atheist. The other one said he was depressed, couldn’t go to school and couldn’t work any more…he said he was going to commit suicide and the only reason he didn’t was because I called my soon to be ex-wife and told her to go get him and bring him home. She did that.

So why was I thrown out of my home? The home I PAID for with the money I earned? My wife contributed about $1,000 per month and I was pulling in, at times, 10 times that a month but, fibromyalgia set in about 2007 but I was still bringing in about $3000 per month because of the long-term disability plan that I paid for…for 30 years I paid a monthly premium for long-term disability because I knew that “something” was eventually going to go wrong.

I was told by the pastor that I was a Patriot and that wasn’t a good thing to be.  I asked him about our Founding Fathers and what they went through and “we” were trying to do the same thing. He said that was too long ago and wasn’t needed now…”you have to go to church”.

I was told that I could only get $600 per month to live on. I was much bewildered. Where can I live on $600 per month? What was I going to do with my Dad that was thrown out with me? I was told to get out and “take your dumb Dad with you”. I guess she didn’t like me going to DC on Veteran’s Day that I did EVERY year. That is when she told me to not come home when I was in DC.

Cutting a long story short, I found a nursing home that a friend suggested for me and I was amazed that my Dad thought it to be a good place, seeing that he just got thrown out. My Dad has Alzheimer’s and he knew he just got thrown out on his face. So, there my Dad stayed. Me? I lived in my truck for several weeks.

A friend of mine said that he had a place where I could hang my hat…so I went to Indiana. I drove there in a Ford Ranger XL (thank God for the XL part) but it was a junker that my oldest son eventually gave back to me when he returned from Iraq. I have no idea what he was driving into with that truck but I eventually had to scrap it…the costs for repairs were about $3500. I was making $600 per month so that was out of the question.

So, depressed, I drove to Indiana. I was fighting the PTSD elements the entire time. It got so bad that I went into the hospital for a heart attack but it was only an anxiety attack…sure. I got out 2 days later. I cried every night. I missed my family. I has no idea what happened and I still have no reason what happened.

The books my wife read were books written about The Book, the Bible…and I will never understand why people will read a book about the Bible when they can just read the Bible. I don’t get it.

I got a letter from my wife with some lame non-Biblical reasons why I was thrown aside like a gaggle of tares and I wrote her back utilizing Scriptures and she never wrote back. I guess the Laodiceans don’t read Bibles anymore…they read books about the Bible so things “are so much clearer now”.

Like I said, this article cuts out a lot of data because the crux of the matter is that our church is a Laodicean church where Christ is no longer preached and the music is that of “this makes me feel so much better” music instead of real hymns with real messages of Christ. The sermons preached are those of a drunken sailor at a bar in Singapore and they are quite useless.

Just about everyone at that church had colored pens/pencils and they drew pictures and puzzles the entire time the pastor was preaching. Why? There were no Bibles to read…the message was on TV screens with the biblical passages up there to read…but, no one read them because they had pictures to draw. Hello? And they weren’t even real verses…they were PARTS of verses and they most assuredly were not King James Scripture. I have about 35 Bibles for studying them all but I do use the ONLY real Bible and that’s the King James. All others, in my humble opinion, are TRASH.

So, why am I saying all of this? Well…?

The Scriptures instruct pastors to lay hold of the family element and marriages are to be saved. Perhaps I was doing something wrong. Perhaps my wife was doing something wrong. But, we will never know…now. We’ll know when we approach the Golden Gates but until then? I am not knowing.

Pastors are NOT to come to a man’s house, tell him to leave and not come back because “your wife is done with you”. That right there was the final blow…for him. He will pay for that from God Himself. I wanted to kick his arse but I didn’t and my wife KNEW what I could have done, even though I am a cripple now. She has seen me in action, trust me. My oldest son knew what I thinking about doing…and he knew what I could have done but God told me to STOP THAT NOW. So, I left.

The divorce was “settled” at the church of all places. We didn’t use lawyers because they’re money hungry; get paid lots of money for doing nothing. All the kids were over 18 and all I did was to give her the house that I paid for many times over. (That’s another story that I might write about some time.)

I am still depressed and I will never go to the VA for any of that. I go to “normal” doctors that I have to pay for. I pray a lot. I read my Bible(s) more than I ever have before. I pray almost all day long. I do. God is always on my mind, as He always has been but right now it is even more precious to me.

The Family Strong element at this church is in fact pretty bad. I suppose there are no Patriots in that church even though the Scriptures are packed FULL of them. In Jesus’s lineage there are MANY Patriots so I can only assume that if Jesus is a Patriot He needs to get out, too, and that is exactly what has happened to Meadows Baptist Church. And Dr Scott Fenton is The Chief Laodicean and “God’s gonna get him for that”.


Sic vis pacem para bellum
Fight Accordingly
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
(If you want peace, prepare for war.)
Sic Semper Tyrannis!
Death to Tyrants

“Be still and know that I am God: …” Psalm 46:10

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *